Well, we are officially entering the third month of the year and I have lost all motivation to work on my weight loss goals this year. I don’t know why. I want the end goal. I need the end result more than I need anything else in the world. But, I have just lost all motivation and I can’t seem to get it back.
I know that I have been going through a lot of pain this year. There was an issue with my medication and I was without it for quite some time which caused the pain to come back. I was also suicidal because of said medication and I had to fight to get my medication changed. But, I did. I fought. I fought hard and it made me so proud. I felt like I found a part of myself again.
I am starting to define myself this year. What kind of person do I want to be known as? These are my personal goals that I have been working on for myself.
- My personal relationship with God. I have been digging more into the Word of God. I had an amazing sister in Christ develop this Faith Planner she got done for me this morning. I can’t wait to start using it on my iPad. I will be able to journal each week’s sermon, Bible Study, and prayers in chronological order throughout the year. It is amazing. It’s called the Intentional Faith Planner and you can find it on her Etsy Shop. She has some awesome planners over there. Shower her with some love!!!!! It’s amazing to have friends like Amanda who are so talented.
- Building intentional relationships. I have been trying to spend more time building intentional relationships with people. I have been spending more time investing in people by listening to them and trying to listen less to me. I have been trying to stop say I so much. Do you realize how hard that is? Our society has built us to believe our world is all about us. God did not plan it that way. If we are going to try to live in a God-centric world instead of a Man-centric, we have to give up me and focus on what God would. Others. Now, let me tell you how hard this is. When you have Depression, Anxiety, Social Anxiety, and PTSD, talking to others about themselves is hard. I am finding it hard to pick up the computer and reach out and really think about hey, it’s not all about me and me having a depression day or a suicidal day…..it’s about you too. How are you feeling? You know some days this year, getting up with the reminder that I needed to ask Friend X how their night went is why I am still here.
- Doing more I love. Yes, even though I am living less about me, does not mean I give up on what I love. And I am spending more time working on building a brand new business myself. My friend Amanda says I inspired her. Not sure how, but I will take the very kind comment. I am on a mission to sell children’s clothing to raise awareness for miscarriage and stillbirth awareness. It is an amazing mission and I can’t wait to find out where this new business goes and this calling from God goes. But I feel empowered. I feel energized. I’m so excited.
So, while I feel I am failing at one thing. I am actually succeeding. Succeeding in many ways of my life. I just have to not be so hard on myself. It is something I battle daily. I am my own worst enemy and my own worst critic. Oh well. On to my next project.