Infertility. Miscarriage. Stillbirth. Taboo Subjects.
The World Health Organization estimates that 1 out of 6 people suffer from infertility now. If that number was not astonishing enough, 26 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage before 20 weeks of gestation, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Finally, 21,000 families suffered the loss of a stillbirth in 2020, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
Over the last few months I have grown more aware that I am not the only woman mourning my child. I have become aware that I am one of millions of women around the world that day in and day out cry out for the loss of our children. Many of us who cry in silence. Many of my friends know I do not cry in silence. However, many do. They long for their children. To hold their children and to hold them at the holidays and birthdays.
One thing I have also become more aware of is the insensitivity of those around us. Family and friends forget about our child. Family move on and focus on the other children in other houses. They focus on other pregnancies, some at the very same time. Some focus on the sisters and sisters-in-law due at the same time and forget about how you may feel seeing a growing belly. Or how you may feel getting a baby shower invitation.
I admit, I do not handle pregnancies to well. It upsets me. It torments me to be honest with you. However, I have a few friends that have made the pregnancies and births of their children a joy for me. One recently. I will call her Ann. She knew my situation and what went down with my doctor. I also knew her desire to have a child. We talked a great deal about it. When Ann got pregnant, she told me privately before it was announced anywhere. And I am not Auntie Tracy, which I love by the way. It’s my favorite title in the world.
I had another friend who I went through infertility treatments with get pregnant twice. She told me about the pregnancy before it was ever announced on Facebook. And I was so happy for her. I knew how much she wanted and tried for her pregnancies. She had two beautiful boys who bring me such joy when I see them on Facebook. Because I can see the work of God in them.
I say all this to say this. There are people out there hurting. They are hurting very much. I read one post today that broke my heart so much that I cried for an hour. Because it was me. It was my situation. Family members were moving on, having children and I was being left behind. My nephew is four months younger than what my Taylor Lee should be. When I see him, I see my little girl. When I see him smile, I see her eyes. We all look like my mom. So, there is no reason to believe that would change. And my little girl would like like my momma. She would have her eyes. She would have her hair.
So when you are interacting on social media, around friends and family, please be aware. Please be aware there may be someone hurting. Someone who is mourning the loss and you may never know. Because unless they went public with their struggle, their miscarriage, or loss you will not know their pain.