You know I went into the idea of trauma counseling that I would speak the words to the therapist and the pain of the incident would be gone. Well, I’m going to tell you, the pain of my rape is still here. Matter of fact, I deal with it more. I deal with the aftereffects more than I ever did prior to dealing with trauma therapy. BUT I do think it was worth it. And I would do it 100 percent all over again. Let’s talk about why.
What are the downsides of dealing with trauma?
There have been several downsides to dealing with my rape through trauma therapy. Each has had a point in healing, and each has been hard to deal with. But no matter how hard they have been to deal with, they have been beneficial. So, let’s get to them.
- Increased nightmares – After discussing the trauma with my counselor, for about two months, I had increased nightmares about the rape. I would wake up screaming and remember the rape. My husband was there many nights and had to comfort me. But, dealing with these emotions and these memories, I actually got the support I needed when I didn’t get it when the event happened due to his military deployment. It showed me I am not alone in this battle.
- Increased panic attacks – One of the things that I noticed is when events happened that were similar to the original situation, I had increased panic attacks. My moods changed. I had a hard time breathing and struggled to due simple things. But as I processed the emotions and processed what happened to me, I was able to deal with these things better.
Why deal with my rape trauma all over again through therapy?
Dealing with my rape through trauma therapy was the best thing that I have ever done. It allowed me to process my emotions. It allowed me to understand what happened to me. I am still processing it. I am still understanding it. I am finally speaking my truth. I am a rape victim. I am a rape survivor. But I would have never been able to say that if I had not gone through trauma therapy.
My counselor had me write out my trauma narrative. She had me share it with her. One other person knows what actually happened to me in this world. And then, I burned it. I let go of it. I let God take control of it. I let him take control of my healing. I let God take control of my pain, my anger, and my forgiveness of the man that did this to me. It truly has been the best thing I have ever done.
Do I still struggle with nightmares? YES. Do I still struggle with panic attacks? YES. Do I regret trauma therapy? ABSOLUTELY NOT! It is the best thing I have ever done.